remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
