; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
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My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
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Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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