Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
