..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
