do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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