There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
