So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
