Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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