I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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