I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Actions speak louder than pants.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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