Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
