If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
