"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
