apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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