Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
