just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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