Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
