You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
