i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
