I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
