I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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