the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
