I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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