im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
