i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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