I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
