i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
