She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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