im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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