I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
