remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
