Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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