So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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