She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
