I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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