So drunk, too bad you don't want this
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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