Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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