he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How naked do you want me to be?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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