Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
