Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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