i think my tv is drunk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
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She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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