Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
