If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are the jesus of drinking
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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