I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
