I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im six kinds of drunk right now
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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