she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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