it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
