Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
