Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
