i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
