i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
