What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
