I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
