youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
