i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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