I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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