She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
