I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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