i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
