i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
