I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
