It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
