What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
