In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
