Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
