Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
being pregnant is like rehab
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
