Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
