ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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