Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
