But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
