The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
