i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
