I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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