its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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