I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
